Don’t let me fall

Deep into the thoughts
I met with black spots
They surrounded my mind
Like the darkest cloud behind
The empty feeling of life gazed
The little confidence was erased
Hollowness stuck my dead brain
Travelled in the neurons like a train
I was struggling to survive and win
Like garbage feels inside a dustbin
It also felt like a long infinite well’s wall
I raised my hands and said, ‘Don’t let me fall
There was silence around
I felt the gravity so profound
My lips tried to speak
But they felt very weak
Then my hands loosen the grip
I went on a long-awaited trip
The trip to infiniteness of mind
A very scary, dark, one of its kind
Thoughts of poverty and death rushed
Into the very brain like it was crushed
I kept on thinking about the past and present
Future at stake, the sadness remained frequent



Teacher’s Day Special :)

The first day I went to school
Entered the classroom like a fool
At the door, I met my teacher
Cryptic faced, sharply featured
Her eyes looked at me, I sat in awe
Enlightement was the pupose now
Race, she told the class, the life is
Strange, we must flow in the breeze

Deep thoughts were discussed there
And wisdom of knowldge was in the air
Yard by yard, I was taught to live my heart

An Artist’s Dream

Romance, he thought in his dream
Beauty was probably the theme
The Artist, who created ‘the art’
Dreams in his dream, the heart

A beautiful way to know the ‘life’
Ecstasies of heavenly joys alive
The elegant mind met the dove
He reflected the signs of love

Creation of the art, was a wish
An art of love, desire and kiss
The artist, is an art of his own
Sitting beside his craft, alone

Life’s loop, creation of creator
Beauty’s in the sight of seeker
The artist woke, dreams shattered
Theme’s gone, the artist emerged

Depressed ! Am I ?

Worthless , Useless
This is what I am
A symbol of disguise
Depression in the head
The stressful journey to go
Can’t make it though
Why me? I mean why I?
Why the hell you chose me
In these billions of stars
Why just I, the head of scars
Is it the academics?, I Suppose,
That feeling, the worst one
The feeling of silence around me
No one to help in the woods
Who will talk to me? No one’s there
I am silence, No identity, I will be silent
Silence forever, inside the inside of me.

My Last Post

My Last Post

I won ! I won in every sense but along with my super win, I also lost everything. I was one of the topper at my school and each and every single teacher know me. I solved class 11th maths and 12th physics, when I was in class 10th. This is very common in every school. There are few a*sholes in every school and I was one of them. I wrote poems and articles, I painted pictures, I played games, I was interested in almost everything. I was highly fascinated about space and time continuum, robotics research, electronic gadgets and computer coding. Apart from these, I also loved geography, political science and I loved learning new languages. In short, I wanted to do everything as fast as I can.

I was not aware that I will be begging with my life to get my super-brain back. The brain which was capable to acquire its top speed. With this great engine, I wanted to be a theoretical physicist. And like every parents, mine also wanted me to be very successful. And for any student slightly interested in maths, have one and only path in our country called JEE. For the top seven prestigious IITs, every year, 1.5 million students try their luck (not exactly the ‘luck’) and only the top layer of them clears it.

So, just after my matriculation with the charming ’10 CGPA’, I stepped to the JEE mafia city – KOTA. Joined one of the most famous coaching classes of my time and started my bachelor life. This story is not about my preparation days, so I will skip these years in this line only. And since, I was a good student, I cleared JEE with a decent rank and joined the most prestigious IIT. This was the dream come true. Just after the result day, all the relatives, neighbours, and whole lot of Chacha-Chachi whom I have never met in my entire life came to congratulate me.

But Why ? Just because I scored well in my JEE advance paper ? I think NO ! Everyone knows that after few years this kid will be playing with dollars and this might raise their social reputation. What a long distance relationship! What about my dreams of becoming scientist ? Theoretical physicist ? And many more which I’ve thought in my school days? All gone ! I think I have reached far; these dreams vanish before going to IITs, during the JEE preparation only. As the time passed, the reality came closer and closer and the dreams became thinner and weaker. The rash competition made all the dreams fade. And here started the brain transformation.

Coaching Classes are the best option for clearing JEE. Why ?

They serve each and every flavor of dishes to be eaten to vomit in the exam. They make you practice more than hundred numerical problems a day and no theoretical questions and your aim for those two years is just to crack that super test with a super rank. This is good. I appreciate the teachers and well planned teaching methodology. But what about the kid’s brain ? The brain stops self thinking. We feel that we are thinking a lot as we are solving such tough questions but the actual self goes down. We know the approach of most of the problems and we know how to start them. Books like I.E. Irodov becomes easy as we practice a lot and knows the approach. One more reason of brain down is we do nothing except solving. Brain becomes a problem solving engine for those two years and we also enjoy it. But are we really making our brain sharp ?

What inside IIT ?

In IITs, the first year starts with the same high level JEE courses and physics lab, chemistry lab, a very basic computer programming course and an HSS (Humanities and Social Sciences) course. These courses are designed to think and solve, not to remember and solve. It looks that it’s mug-up and solve type but it’s not. I, in my first year performed too bad. As I wrote, in the first line, about being topper at my school, I became an average student at IIT. The IQ level that was in school was now gone. Thinking by own is like something new because I became dependent. The professors we get in IITs are not like those in coaching classes. In IITs, profs are very different. They do not feed anything, they just serve a simple concept, deliver the theoretical aspects and will ask tough questions in exam so that we can think and find the solution. But since we are the coaching guys, we find it difficult as we are fond of just eating the servings. We blame our professors that they are not up to the level, they do not know how to teach etc. But do we ask question to ourselves that how much research we did on the topic? No. We just blame the profs. After the results, we become sad about the low scores.

Inside IIT, one more problem is the academic pressure. The pressure of securing scores and building a CPI is very common. But remember, these are secondary (these are very important in placement point of view) but if you dream of something different then it doesn’t matters. There is a lot to do inside IITs apart from studies. So, this is not the end. You can be a good coder, a good businessman or a good actor. Anything ! So, mugging up is the best way to pass and sometimes score in exams but not for learning. And money is not the only thing, follow your passions, money will follow you. For freshers, just after coming in your IIT (or in any college) forget everything you learned in your coaching, and follow your teachers. Believe me, you’ll be the winner !

Presently, I’m a sophomore at an IIT and I’m too trying to improve my brain skills that I lost in my coaching days !!!

Sorry for the bad writing, my english is weak !